Tip of Montauk point.

Well, this is the end. The class was very informative in it's own way. I think it truly began when I actually did something outside of class for my own bliss. I can't remember the last time I actually did something for myself like that. Of course, everything is for myself, but not for complete and utter pleasure. I don't enjoy working 30 hours a week and going to class to only see students going far into the major I can only scratch at because they just seem to not need a job. I was in the top 30% of my class, and some of the kids in high school which never tried are now without a job because the world allows to get by with ease. I don't want to do any of the ladder, but I realize something, I can do anything within my own means. I could stop typing this now and do something less exciting, but the world keeps me continuing forward.

The movie "What the Bleep Do We Know" was informative and pointed out many things which I could never guess at. Life is sometimes quite a quantum leap, but it takes classes like Seeing Sideways to put meaning on your available options. Like the movie says, we don't really see anything, but our mind puts meaning on the atoms available in time which creates "items". I only am held back because I put meaning on my limits.

From this class, I feel as if i can push things aside to better myself. I feel like I will be able to create time by ripping a hole in my schedule rather than hoping for a coincidence. I will be able to use the time I created wisely rather than pick at straws and hope for the best. I will be able to do this because I know theres an unlimited range for myself rather than the limits I conceived were there before.

I would like to thank Beth for teaching me what she has. I hope to one day have her as my capstone teacher, if not any form of teacher for any form of class.

Final: picture

It's my final

Who am I in the eyes of others?
I am that one guy who is nice, but your ok with not knowing him. I'm that guy who's been pushed aside by many people. These people include family, friends, scholarly, and of the work place. In the eyes of others, I am something of a weakling.

How do I percieve myself?
I see myself as a lonely person. This being because I know I'm too apathetic to many situations. When I want things in life I really don't try to an extreme amount, and when I don't get them I give up and accept, there is no fight. But the thing I want in life would benefit everyone around me, and it's a shame I'm overlooked.

Why am I here?
I'm here out of coincidence. I've put no meaning in to my existance, for there is none. I don't have faith in an outside force, so I put meaning and faith in the world around me and honly hope it displays some of the beauty I know it has and has had once before.

What are the implications of others?
The implication of my identity is never the same. Im always trying to change my point of view to see the world from all eyes around me, so I feel as if my identity is never truly read correctly. I know implications is one of the downfalls of the world, for we are all just humans who can't truly display 100% of their true inners. Usually the people who display "good" sense of being are the horrible ones.

How am I affected by others?
I am affected by others. I njoy reading people, and my only natural reaction is to somehow reach a level of similarity, and if I don't chieve that (which bugs me) I aim for acceptance. So, why? Without acceptance, nobody would hold similarity to me, and it's impossible to not continue proceed to grow without a constant growth of acceptance.

Is identity static?
NO. Identity is kind of like static friction. It may stick for an extent, but with enough projectile force, static becomes a thing of the past as the projectile object becomes kinetic. I say no, because no matter how much I've changed, I still can see parts of myself which has always been there. Although, the parts of my personality which have always been there don't affect who I become in the future as much as it would if those traits were truly static. Hence, there is hope for everyone.

Fear keeps me hiding at night

Close your eyes.

Imagine yourself looking through someone else's body.

Lift their hands.

Walk with their feet.

This feels different from your body, does it not?

Open your eyes.

Imagine you still felt you were still in someone else's body.

You still can control everything just fine, but it feels like you don't belong.

 

 

 

 

fear/fi(ə)r/

Noun:

An unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

To begin with, the experiment in which I wanted to conduct never was able to happen. The items I needed to conduct my experiment was not the easiest to find. So, in class, I shared something that makes me afraid. I shared the hopeless feeling which comes over me once and a while. The hopeless feeling is inevitable because I can't stop my body from when my body becomes no longer my own.

I noted a few things while presenting. Some seemed to not care and continued their conversations in which they held before I began presenting. This didn't bother me, I am used to people ignoring what I say. The second thing I noticed is some people who listened seemed thrown off by the concept. The third few people, in my opinion, seemed as if I was telling a lie. I was told I was telling a lie from eighth grade to the present day by family, this third group didn't bother me.

The real reaction I thought I would achieve was found in the second group. I believed this because all throughout my life when I explained what was happening to me, they were always thrown off, which is why I was pretty sure it wasn't an uncommon occurrance.

A change to my idea, being I was unable to do the first one, would be to conduct an experiment. I could have had the whole class partner up and try to have one conduct the other where to walk and see with just simple instructions of the mouth and hands. The person being moved would thus be unable to move by him or herself during the experiment. This would help give a sense of fear if they truly thought how sometimes a body can be a prison, especially if you don't feel like your not supposed to be there.





Next.


During some of the other presentations, I would have to say the presentation where I had to turn my back to the presenter was the most memorable. The presentation went as follows: we sat facing the wall, back to the presenter, and she then told us a story about how everyone seemed to act this way throughout her life. I responded so strongly to this presentation because I don't think I would ever want to my life to be like that. Yea, there are some minor incidents in my life which allows me to see what she was saying could be true, but not my entire relations existence could be summed up with a presentation towards the wall. I believe this is why the presenter was memorable to me. It makes me relate, in ways, to my own experiment. What I mean by this is, her and I are both given something through life neither of us want. We continue to get the same exact outcome even though we both try to change our life around what is happening to us, but to no prevail.

Equation

SUPRISED

Bliss

The bliss assignment may have been a failure to me. It started off great, but there was a vacuum created once during. Here is a list of fealings as they changed in order.

Excited, Extremely Excited, Over Joyed, Happy, Content, Peaceful, Anxious, Nervous, Sweaty, Worried, Very Nervous, Over-controll


This was the course of my thought as I went from O.K with what was happening and ended with my thoughts on my life, expectations of where I want to be with myself, and also the things I should be doing with my time when I have free time. It seems I can't really go out of my natural state without being nervous. My life is a gravity in which causes me to carry it's weight.

McCinderella Story

Once upon a time, there was food. Also once upon a time, there was a kid who fell in love with the food. He fell so in love, in fact, its said he would dream about food and talk to people about food he would combine in his head.

One day, he was invited to a party. A party is something he always wanted to go to, but something he was never invited to. This was his chance. He could finally show people who called him names because of his love life for food. Nobody understood the two's love, all they every wanted to do was separate the two of them it seemed. That is, with the names they used, the way they used the names. He was always being pushed away from his love for food.

The party was that night. Food was their, but the boy tried to ignore her because when he was with food, everyone could only laugh and jest. So, while ignoring his love, he could only think of her, crave her all the way to the very pit of his stomach. The party wasn't there, in his head, the boy could only think of food and her scent and didn't talk to anybody, didn't really move around. He just sat in a corner and thought about the organic shapes which take form in various different ways.

He finally decided to move, he finally decided to become something he wishes he was. A social bird who went from group to group and shared various conversations. It was going well too, until the boy ran into her. There, in the kitchen, was food. He couldn't hold back, with a tear in his eye the boy sank into her. 

From another window looking in on the party, it would look like a simple get together, but nobody would know all alone was a boy with an empty plate. 

___________________________________________________

This story really is about myself as a younger boy. I once weighed 250 pounds and the only thing which limited my life was food. It drove me into solitude. Food leads to more weight more weight leads to public humiliation and public humiliation leads to a dark side in which I proclaimed more comfortable than any life with friends. It wasn't true though. After losing the weight, I realized the only thing limiting myself was my mind. I am stronger now for my past and am glad I once had a intimate relationship with food.

Depending on if I'm still alive.

The previous assignment was a conversation with a paperclip as I would if I were a child. This assignment is my interaction with that same paperclip, now I am 50. This assignment shows, really, the difference between the two ages and how life and the mind's develop changes everything.

 

Paperclip

To encapsulate the idea of how I was when I was younger I thought I would show how much I would try constantly to have conversations with random things. Every day I would try to find an inanimate object to have a conversation with. Two sisters and only one boy, being me, it was hard not to be desperate for a friend. This is literally how my conversations would be.

Me: Paper Clip?
PC: Yea?
Me: Is that your real name?
PC: No, it's Jacob
Me: How did you get that name?
J: Theres never a reason why I asked myself that before. Maybe I was born with it.
Me: So, what should I do today?
J: Maybe you should visit your grandfather?
Me: Im afraid I've disappointed him.
J: Why would you have disappointed him?
Me: Im not sure, everyone seems to be angry at me.
J: Im not angry with you.
Me: Thank you, Jacob. Will you always be my friend?
J: I don't see why we wouldn't continue being friends. I can't go to church on Sunday though.
Me: I don't enjoy church neither.
J: I mean, I CANT, Im Jewish.
Me: Since when?
J: Since I remembered you go to church.
Me: Well, should we do something fun today?
J: I say we do something outside.
Me: But I can't even cross the street without getting into trouble.
J: You can blame it on me.


Like I mentioned, this is typically a conversation with an inanimate object I would carry. The conversations were always an outlet to talk about things in my life which I couldn't really with anybody. My friends would also allow myself to have adventures I couldn't brave myself.

Without the vital organ.

For this project it has taken me longer than expected. I knew what to do on the other ones, but how do you create something thats not there. Or, at least, something your not sure is there. The answer: you see sideways. I had only one idea, to spend time without sight.

On a free night, I went out into the nearby school's lawn and sat with my eyes closed. I didn't sit for a few minutes. My plan was to sit for an hour, in complete and utter observance. Observance without sight. My original plan was an hour, to begin at 8:00 and end at 9:00pm. The time I ended up checking the time was 9:45pm.

I ignored all uncomfortable feelings while sitting on a cement slab, and I ignored anything which might disrupt my true intentions. I will now put into words in a non-structured, structured pattern of what I went through.

A simple sound I didn't hear before, now the only one in my ear

Other sounds seem to speak back to the first.

Then the crickets, then the wind

The grass against my bare feet now seem violent; before, smooth paths

We are friction against this earth,

The hard stitch of velcro to the nice other half.

Natural sounds speak to each other, the disruption is a highway

Despicable, unorganic sounds, satan's true children

Then the birds speak, then wind makes a sound

A loud unorganic make speaks, the organic is silent

Religion is the earth, we are the opposition

I am far away now from my body, I am speaking with the sounds

Nothing is silent, nothing is real without meaning

It's rare of me to dare to be organic

My eyes fill, they open.

After I opened my eyes, I know part of me had grown. Part of me didn't really want to deal with how I felt. Maybe its vision which allows us to ignore the beauty which causes us to believe its mundane. I can't imagine, nor do I wan't to, where this world will be as our sight takes away our other senses.

If I could give advice on how to live, I would say live life with your eyes closed.

MoreThanSuprise

Why not get down on one knee...and end all of the suffering.

Unnecessary.

Really, the thing that really stuck out to me was what made people really react. There are two times that had polar opposite reactions.

The first time was when Beth achieved a level of seriousness. It had the tribes of each corner stop talking to amongst each other and pay really good attention. In their defence, I will never be able to describe the difference between Beth's regular voice and her serious voice. It's a significant difference. Not in a derogatory way, but in an indescribable way.

The other reaction which stuck out to me was what type of volume the room reached once the word "porn" was brought up. The room went from moderately talkative to extremely loud. I don't know why things like this stick out to me, nor do I care to find out. I just know, on August 29th, 2011 the things in which stuck out to me were...

Beth and porn

.

I expect. Not demand.

Of course there are things we all expect out of a class.

Even if we go into a class without a care what it will be about,
we are still subconciously expecting it to be a pointless class.
So what is it I expect from a class about "seeing sideways?"
I expect a class where I can actually expand my thoughts,
rather than reach within for greater knowledge to complete an assignment,
meet the standards, and wish it never happened.
expect this class will give me a break in my schedule for enjoyment.

This is not a poem.

Plant an eggplant

Gotta Do that ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM