Equation

SUPRISED

Bliss

The bliss assignment may have been a failure to me. It started off great, but there was a vacuum created once during. Here is a list of fealings as they changed in order.

Excited, Extremely Excited, Over Joyed, Happy, Content, Peaceful, Anxious, Nervous, Sweaty, Worried, Very Nervous, Over-controll


This was the course of my thought as I went from O.K with what was happening and ended with my thoughts on my life, expectations of where I want to be with myself, and also the things I should be doing with my time when I have free time. It seems I can't really go out of my natural state without being nervous. My life is a gravity in which causes me to carry it's weight.

McCinderella Story

Once upon a time, there was food. Also once upon a time, there was a kid who fell in love with the food. He fell so in love, in fact, its said he would dream about food and talk to people about food he would combine in his head.

One day, he was invited to a party. A party is something he always wanted to go to, but something he was never invited to. This was his chance. He could finally show people who called him names because of his love life for food. Nobody understood the two's love, all they every wanted to do was separate the two of them it seemed. That is, with the names they used, the way they used the names. He was always being pushed away from his love for food.

The party was that night. Food was their, but the boy tried to ignore her because when he was with food, everyone could only laugh and jest. So, while ignoring his love, he could only think of her, crave her all the way to the very pit of his stomach. The party wasn't there, in his head, the boy could only think of food and her scent and didn't talk to anybody, didn't really move around. He just sat in a corner and thought about the organic shapes which take form in various different ways.

He finally decided to move, he finally decided to become something he wishes he was. A social bird who went from group to group and shared various conversations. It was going well too, until the boy ran into her. There, in the kitchen, was food. He couldn't hold back, with a tear in his eye the boy sank into her. 

From another window looking in on the party, it would look like a simple get together, but nobody would know all alone was a boy with an empty plate. 

___________________________________________________

This story really is about myself as a younger boy. I once weighed 250 pounds and the only thing which limited my life was food. It drove me into solitude. Food leads to more weight more weight leads to public humiliation and public humiliation leads to a dark side in which I proclaimed more comfortable than any life with friends. It wasn't true though. After losing the weight, I realized the only thing limiting myself was my mind. I am stronger now for my past and am glad I once had a intimate relationship with food.

Depending on if I'm still alive.

The previous assignment was a conversation with a paperclip as I would if I were a child. This assignment is my interaction with that same paperclip, now I am 50. This assignment shows, really, the difference between the two ages and how life and the mind's develop changes everything.

 

Paperclip

To encapsulate the idea of how I was when I was younger I thought I would show how much I would try constantly to have conversations with random things. Every day I would try to find an inanimate object to have a conversation with. Two sisters and only one boy, being me, it was hard not to be desperate for a friend. This is literally how my conversations would be.

Me: Paper Clip?
PC: Yea?
Me: Is that your real name?
PC: No, it's Jacob
Me: How did you get that name?
J: Theres never a reason why I asked myself that before. Maybe I was born with it.
Me: So, what should I do today?
J: Maybe you should visit your grandfather?
Me: Im afraid I've disappointed him.
J: Why would you have disappointed him?
Me: Im not sure, everyone seems to be angry at me.
J: Im not angry with you.
Me: Thank you, Jacob. Will you always be my friend?
J: I don't see why we wouldn't continue being friends. I can't go to church on Sunday though.
Me: I don't enjoy church neither.
J: I mean, I CANT, Im Jewish.
Me: Since when?
J: Since I remembered you go to church.
Me: Well, should we do something fun today?
J: I say we do something outside.
Me: But I can't even cross the street without getting into trouble.
J: You can blame it on me.


Like I mentioned, this is typically a conversation with an inanimate object I would carry. The conversations were always an outlet to talk about things in my life which I couldn't really with anybody. My friends would also allow myself to have adventures I couldn't brave myself.

Without the vital organ.

For this project it has taken me longer than expected. I knew what to do on the other ones, but how do you create something thats not there. Or, at least, something your not sure is there. The answer: you see sideways. I had only one idea, to spend time without sight.

On a free night, I went out into the nearby school's lawn and sat with my eyes closed. I didn't sit for a few minutes. My plan was to sit for an hour, in complete and utter observance. Observance without sight. My original plan was an hour, to begin at 8:00 and end at 9:00pm. The time I ended up checking the time was 9:45pm.

I ignored all uncomfortable feelings while sitting on a cement slab, and I ignored anything which might disrupt my true intentions. I will now put into words in a non-structured, structured pattern of what I went through.

A simple sound I didn't hear before, now the only one in my ear

Other sounds seem to speak back to the first.

Then the crickets, then the wind

The grass against my bare feet now seem violent; before, smooth paths

We are friction against this earth,

The hard stitch of velcro to the nice other half.

Natural sounds speak to each other, the disruption is a highway

Despicable, unorganic sounds, satan's true children

Then the birds speak, then wind makes a sound

A loud unorganic make speaks, the organic is silent

Religion is the earth, we are the opposition

I am far away now from my body, I am speaking with the sounds

Nothing is silent, nothing is real without meaning

It's rare of me to dare to be organic

My eyes fill, they open.

After I opened my eyes, I know part of me had grown. Part of me didn't really want to deal with how I felt. Maybe its vision which allows us to ignore the beauty which causes us to believe its mundane. I can't imagine, nor do I wan't to, where this world will be as our sight takes away our other senses.

If I could give advice on how to live, I would say live life with your eyes closed.

MoreThanSuprise

Why not get down on one knee...and end all of the suffering.